Trust and Belief

You made a mistake, we both burned. We committed a blunder and now we’re prepared to lose.

I lost the trust Clare and I don't even know how to get that back. Now it is all messy, the room, the hair, the face, the way, the words, the heart, the life. You meant so much to me. You were the herald of life for me. I never thought I would have to face this day. I was so unprepared for what I will have to act upon now. That love, that trust, that faith. It happened all too soon, I couldn’t quite accept it as true.

To regain the trust is the utmost daunting task in the whole of cosmos. The hope, the conviction to believe when all I see in front of my eyes is the demolition, the remains of the annihilation. To look away from it and have faith. To recover the strength to trust the soul that left you in the middle of the path you both decided to venture. The path that I don't even know the way out of. It was like I walked with you, for you, like I once did with my father, unknowingly, unpretentiously.

You blindly confided in the person to take you out.  But now you're all alone in this mess. It is as if the world is falling apart in front of you. You keep your hands strong but they just are strong and numb. Without any feeling. Just numb. And you can't stand. You don't even have the will to. Maybe you’re too broken to be fixed by a single person. Maybe too messy to be cleaned up. But you’re still trying. There are no two ways around it my dear. You have to try. You search for all your remains from the mess. You collect it all and get back right up however hard it may be. We spilled the wine. It is time to clean it up. I have to clean it up. You've already given up. How can I be sure you still want to fight and you still want to be with me. I am drained of all the strength I had. 

And it isn't easy I know. Trusting isn't easy, but we've got to play the game of stake, the battle of risk. The odds of winning are less but we have got no chance of vanquishing that battle without having something to battle for.

I will find a way to trust you, Clare. But next time it breaks, I ask for forgiveness my dear, I won't be able to trust you back again. I have lost too much already.